her
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My first, and arguably most painful, heartbreak was from a “situationship” in college. And like all the best situationships, there’s always one person who catches feels more seriously than the other. Guess who that person was in mine ;)
The “breakup”(HAH if we can even call it that), shattered me for 18 months (yes, I counted).
I had such a hard time processing how much pain I was feeling because technically we weren’t even a “thing”. But my body told me otherwise-- the way I would have to pull over on the side of the road because of a spontaneous crying fit, my overreactions to anything he said (or didn’t) and how unexplainably cathartic it was listen, on repeat, to the most painful “UGH I’M STILL NOT OVER YOU” songs I could find (“One Last Song” by Sam Smith, “The Scientist” by Coldplay, “Clean” by Taylor Swift, “Ghost” by Ella Henderson). (I would have loved to see my depressing “Spotify wrapped” that year lol).
I watched “Her” on an airplane a few years after all of that happened, maybe 2016? But even now in 2025, I can still remember the sharp pain I felt in the scene when Theo realizes that Sam was in other “relationships.”
I knew that feeling. To feel like you had something with someone, to think that you were special…and to ultimately find out that actually, you were just one of many.
Watching that scene instantly brought me back to that intense crushing feeling that I felt when I found out the guy I was in love with, had similar relationships with other women. That crushing feeling came shooting back and I started bawling. Joaquin’s face in that scene was so spot on. I remember when I found out, I disassociated immediately. The WILD feeling that the “reality” you had crafted in your head, was entirely fabricated. I think it’s an adjacent feeling to the one of being cheated on.
This movie helped me process the feelings that I had at that time, but maybe wasn’t fully able to process in the thick of it. The feeling of confusion, betrayal, lostness of reality.
Years following the “breakup,” I came to a more balanced view of everything. I was able to come to terms with the fact that the relationship/friendship we had was actually real and so were the feelings (not completely fabricated, wow!). But I also had to admit that he had those same feelings for other people as well (ouch…).
